For those of you who have ever struggled with anxiety, you’ll know what i’m talking about. For those of you who haven’t, maybe this will help you understand what it feels like for someone that lives with it.
I’ve been a victim of anxiety since I was a young girl. It started when I saw a boy in grade 3 throw a fit right next to me in class at school. I ran to the office SO fast to tell them to call an ambulance, I was pretty much Bolt in the olympics. From then on, I struggled to leave my mothers side. I was also bullied in primary school by a group of girls who thought they were better than everyone on the planet. They were 8.
I moved schools when I was half way through grade 5, to a small Christian school in Maitland. My parents sacrificed so much for me to be able to attend that school, but they are so beyond grateful. I would turn up at school and refuse to get out of the car. Everyday. The deputy of the school would come and drag me into the school counsellors office every morning where I would have endless sessions with her for the rest of the year. She was lovely. Her name was Mrs. Bennet and I will never forget what she did for me. The office ladies were like angels. One in particular that will always hold a special place in my heart. As I sat outside the deputy’s office most mornings, she would come and ask me how I was doing and if i needed anything. I ran out of the classroom so many times to try and escape out of the school to run home. My mum even had to leave her car at the school because it would take me so long to get out that she would walk home in tears.
Needless to say, I gave my life to Jesus and He helped me overcome my anxiety and I was able to leave my mothers side and start growing up a little. I thought I would never have a problem with being anxious ever again. I was wrong.
About a month ago, I had another ‘attack’. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, I was in tears and couldn’t move from my bed. Only this time I had no idea why! I had no reason to be sad or anxious about anything. My life is awesome!
I recently had a revelation from God. He revealed some pretty awesome things to me and I was excited to take my first step toward the future that God had planned for me. Sadly though, this anxiety has been a bit of a bump in the road. I never expected it to be smooth sailing, but seriously! I had to remember that God will direct me back onto my path in His perfect timing. I’m not there yet, but I know that it’s just around the corner!
My husband has been incredibly supportive during this season and I am seriously grateful. He has no idea what’s going on when I have those attacks because they are so random and about nothing! I said to him recently that I wish I was anxious about there not being enough bananas in the fridge or something – because at least I know I could easily fix that quickly and easily!
So right now I feel like i’m going a bit bananas but I know it’s just a season and Gods grace will heal what needs to be healed in my life in order to fulfil His plans through me.
‘Trust in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.’ Ps 37:4
‘I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.’ Phil. 4:13
Love and Sunflowers,